one spring a few years ago, Dangdang and I signed up for a tour to Yandang Mountain in Wenzhou.

our group is not too small, 25 people, mainly family and friends.

when passing through a mountain spring, the guide told us that the water quality here is the best in Yandang Mountain and can be drunk directly as mineral water. if it is used to wash your face, it is the best cosmetics.

so we poured the water out of the bottle without saying a word and went down to fill it with water.

when you go down and pour water, you must take off your shoes and socks so as not to get wet.

one of the men didn't take off the trouble. When he finished filling the water, his shoes and socks were wet to varying degrees.

his wife said angrily, "they all said they would take off their socks, but you wouldn't listen. Now you want me to wash them when they get wet. Do you think it's easy to come out?" Who is not tired after walking so much at the end of the day? "

his wife complained a lot, and as soon as he heard this, he hurriedly said, "all right, can't I wash it myself?"

but his wife complained and said, "here, I didn't say I wouldn't wash it for you."

the man said, "forget it. I'll wash it myself."

the woman is not happy: "you are really such a person, you are hypocritical after washing you."

Dangdang pointed to the woman and secretly said to me, "Oh, it's terrible to have a bad mouth. I don't do less, but it's not good, but it's bad on my mouth."

you don't have to do it, but don't say it, do it and say it again, it's for nothing.

I think of a relative.

she is very capable and quick to do things, and she can be regarded as virtuous from the point of view of giving. At least she will never lose to others for what she has done to her husband and children.

but her husband and children's dissatisfaction with her is almost to the extreme.

We have been to her house and seen with our own eyes how she erased all her efforts.

it was morning, and her son had just got up and went to the bathroom to wash his face. She went in every 10 minutes, and then I heard this conversation.

she said, "do you throw the towel in the pool after washing your face?" How old are you? I must have done something wrong in my previous life. God sent you to take care of me. "

her son countered, "I used to hang it up every time, but you either thought it was too dry or too wet, and it was all wrong, so I might as well throw it away!"

then she began to chatter all the way for more than ten minutes, which made me a little impatient.

her son couldn't stand it any longer and shouted, "Don't bother, I'll twist it again."

but she snatched the towel, wrung it out and hung it up herself, and said as she walked, "if you did a good job, would I say you?" Breakfast is ready, so go and eat it! "

her son glanced at her, turned into the room, slammed the door, and she talked about it for a long time.

at noon, she left everyone for lunch and cooked a table full of dishes, which was supposed to be a wonderful thing.

but she said all over the meal:

"is there anyone more miserable than me? I have to go to work every day. I have to do housework when I get home. No one gives me a hand.

this big and small are masters and young masters. I have to wait on them after I finish my work every day. No one loves me, no one regrets me. "

her husband can't listen to the excuse:

"how come no one loves you anymore? I help you with the housework every time, but when aren't you scolding me?

I told you that if you don't want to do it, you can quit, but don't count it every day. "

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as soon as she heard her husband dare to argue, she immediately stared: "how dare you say that?" Do you call that housework what you do? Isn't it enough to help me? "

her life is basically to serve her husband and son, and then complain that her husband and son make her so tired.

this is a new dissatisfaction with her, and her life almost forms a vicious circle.

sometimes, I would also say, "since you are doing it so reluctantly, you might as well not do it at all."

she will choke back immediately: "that's easy for you to say, why don't you do it?" Who will do it if I don't do it? "

so I stopped talking and thought to myself, "it's not difficult to understand what your husband and son did to you."

A few years ago, I came into contact with a female reader who had similar problems.

she said that she waited on her husband and children from morning till night, but no one thanked herself, as if all her efforts were taken for granted.

at first, I thought her husband and child were very ungrateful.

but as the communication went on, I realized that this was not the case.

but in the process of giving, she erased all her efforts with her own words.

she turned a deaf ear and said excitedly, "I work hard every day and am as tired as an ox. Am I not even qualified to speak?" Not only do I have to do it, but also coax them? There is no such truth in the world. "

I tried to persuade her again, but she was quite stubborn and thought she shouldIt was my husband and child who first changed their attitude towards her so that her tone could improve. I sighed and was no longer forced.

there is a kind of woman around us:

they do a lot of work, are kind-hearted, and always play a giving role in interpersonal relationships.

but their kindness is seldom remembered or even rejected by the people around them.

there is no other reason, but the bad is in the mouth.

and quite stubborn, think that they have paid so much, can't you complain?

rarely listen to the advice of others, stubbornly live in their own thinking, the more you give, the more you complain, the more you are disliked.

they are aggrieved, they are angry, they expect to be affirmed and praised, but express their needs in a completely opposite way.

the people around them are getting farther and farther away from them, unwilling to talk to them, unwilling to communicate with them, and even unwilling to listen to them.

my mother used to have the same problem. Every time I went home and changed my clothes, my mother would wash and start nagging:

"you are so grown up that I have to do the laundry. How long will I wait on you?" When you get married, will I come and wash your clothes, too? "

every time I hear such words, I will be very upset. I immediately beg for mercy and say, "leave it first. I'll wash it myself. Just please don't read it."

but she absolutely won't leave it. You must let her wash it.

once, when she repeated the same words, I asked her, "Mom, what exactly are you trying to say?" If you don't want to wash, leave it. If you are willing to wash, why do you have to say so? "

she was stupefied for a moment and replied, "I'm used to it."

I say it very seriously:

"even if you don't do it, I'm an adult and no one will blame you, but you do it and say that all we hear is your reluctance.

you dislike our existence, and then we only remember your complaints and dislike, not your efforts.

those who do and talk are the stupidest.

"

this remark touched my mother so much that she gradually changed the habit.

occasionally, when she is about to make an old mistake, I pick my eyebrows to remind her: "have you forgotten again?"

later, as I grew older, I gradually understood their psychology.

people who express their tiredness every day are not confident in their hearts, hoping to show that they are tired and that they want others to remember their efforts.

so, I use the stupidest way to express it, but in the other person's ear, the first reaction is:

she doesn't like doing this, she hates my things, and I make her angry.

as a result, you will get caught up in irritability and self-blame, and your tone and attitude can't be good.

the first reaction to the signal was: "I can't even say a few words when I wait on you so hard." You are so heartless. "

in order to remind the other party's conscience, she said more densely, and finally formed a vicious circle.

many girls have wronged to confide to me that they have paid so much, but no one remembers their own good.

of course, there are many reasons for this, but we can also compare our own behavior to see if there is such a problem.

if there is, you must change it quickly.

because it doesn't make you get anything you want, it just obliterates all your efforts.

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