The best way to manage emotions (in depth)
The best way to manage emotions (in depth)
Only by being the master of emotions can you control yourself for the rest of your life.

Wen Qian

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Xunzi said: "anger is not enough to snatch, but joy is not enough."

Don't punish others excessively because you are angry, and don't give them special rewards just because you are happy.

people who are really smart should learn to control their emotions.

because under extreme emotions, people are particularly prone to make extreme choices.

therefore, the best way to live in life is not to promise when you are happy, not to argue when you are angry, not to say anything when you are sad, and not to be lazy when you are tired.

do not promise when you are happy

the ancients said: "in times of great joy, no people will break their promises because of the words of happy times."

this sentence means that when people are very happy, it is best not to promise others something easily.

because the promises made by people under ecstasy are often not their own inner will, they tend to break their promises in the future.

there was such a king in history who was killed and killed because he made random promises when he was happy.

this true story takes place in the Spring and Autumn period, when the State of Qi United with the four vassal states of Song, Lu, Chen and Cai to attack Wei.

because before this siege, Qi did not apply to the son of Zhou at that time.

therefore, after the State of Wei was captured, Duke Qi Xiang, the prince of Qi, worried that King Zhou would send troops to attack him.

so he sent two of his generals to lead their troops and horses to guard the border of Qi to prevent Zhou's army from raiding Qi.

before leaving, the two generals asked Duke Qi Xiang. they said that although it was difficult to guard the frontier, as subjects, they dared not refuse.

it's just that there has to be a time limit, otherwise when will it end?

generally speaking, King Qi Xiang should think carefully about such an event before solemnly replying to each other.

but who knows, Qi Xianggong was eating melons happily at that time, so he replied casually to the two generals:

"now is the season for melons to be ripe and fruity, so wait until next year when melons are ripe, then I will send someone else to replace you.


when the two generals listen, they only need to guard for one year, and that's OK.

so he went to battle lightly and took the soldiers to guard the frontier.

before you know it, a year has passed. But at this time, Lord Qi Xianggong had long forgotten his previous promise.

when the two generals saw that Duke Qi Xianggong had not sent anyone, they asked someone to offer ripe melons to him, implying that King Qi Xianggong kept his promise.

who ever thought that after Qi Xianggong had collected the melons, he did not intend to call them back at all.

therefore, in a fit of anger, the two generals joined forces with the ministers, killed Duke Qi Xianggong, and re-elected the new monarch of Qi.

the Book of morality says: "light promises must be untrustworthy."

Don't make promises to others casually when you are happy, or you will bring great disaster to yourself.

Don't argue when you are angry

it is said in "yesterday's non-Anri compilation":

"words in good times are often broken in good times, and words in anger are often out of form."

what you say when you are happy is generally not credible, so most of what you say when you are angry are inappropriate words.

therefore, when you are angry, it is best not to argue.

in the Song Dynasty, there was a legendary prime minister, Lu Mengzheng, who was born in poverty. In order to survive, he even became a beggar.

therefore, when he became a high-ranking official in the Song Dynasty, the fact that he had been a beggar has been used by his colleagues as a handle to humiliate him.

even some people deliberately spread rumors, "now the threshold for becoming an official is getting lower and lower, and even a poor boy who has been a beggar can go to court to become an official!"


hear this,

and Lu Meng's close colleagues knew about this, they were so angry that they vowed to find out the man who uttered evil words.

but Lu Mengzheng hurriedly stopped his friends from pursuing.

his friends asked him, "Why don't you pursue it to the end?"


after taking a break, he said to his friends:

"if I knew who this person was, I would certainly argue with this person out of anger, lose my mind and do extreme things.

then don't I lose more because of other people's small mistakes?


Yes, when a person is angry, he is the least sober.

if you have an argument with someone at this time, it will make things bigger and bigger, and finally get out of control and make yourself lose more.

therefore, the ancients said that "do not argue when angry" is the best way to avoid disputes.

be silent when mourning

as the saying goes, "nine times out of ten unsatisfactory things can be said to others."

it is impossible for people to be plain sailing when they are alive. We always encounter one blow or another.

but truly mature people have learned to heal themselves and not to tear their misfortunes to others.

I saw a question in Zhihu before and said, "what should a truly mature person look like?"

one of them replied:

"A truly mature person learns to tell others his misfortune when he is not sad."

as we all know, Mr. Lu Xun's "blessing"Mrs. Xianglin in this novel.

Mrs. Xianglin had an unfortunate life. She was a widow in her early years. She finally went to Luzhen to find a job and was arrested by her family.

later, she was forced by her family to marry a man she didn't like. In the end, the man fell ill and died, and her only son, Ah Mao, was taken away by the wolf.

so as soon as the unfortunate sister-in-law Xianglin met someone, she told others her sad story and told them how painful she was.

Mr. Lu Xun said, "at first we all sympathized with her, but slowly she talked so often that everyone hated her."

is it because people are not old-fashioned that everyone hates her in the end?

in fact, there are so many bad guys.

it's just because there is no real empathy in this world, only cold and warm self-knowledge.

therefore, when people are at a low ebb, do not disturb anyone and learn to "mourn without saying anything".

Don't tear your wound open to others over and over again.

do not slack off when you are tired

the Book of songs says:

"there is no beginning, but fresh grams have an end.


there are many people who dare to start, but few people can hold on to the end.

in fact, there are not so many competitors on the road to success, and most people give up halfway.

however, in many cases, as long as one more step of effort, we can reach the destination we want.

for example, there was a popular "bamboo shoot law" on the Internet, which said this:

We now use "bamboo shoots after a spring rain" to describe the rapid development of things.

but in fact, when bamboo is still a bamboo shoot, it grows only three centimeters in the soil for four years.

and bamboo grows slowly because it has to root itself firmly in the soil.

therefore, a bamboo, which covers an area less than the size of a bowl, has a root system that can be covered for several kilometers.

but it is this accumulation day and night that enables bamboo shoots to grow rapidly to 15 meters in just six weeks after they are unearthed, avoiding the risk of being eaten as bamboo shoots.

so, as Liji University once said:

"Gou Rixin, every day is new, and every day is new."

the more tired you are, the less lazy you are.

if we can make a little progress than others every day, over time, we can surpass others and achieve success that others can't get.

as the saying goes, to control your emotions is to control your life.

therefore, Hong Yingming of the Ming Dynasty said in Cai Gentan:

"Don't take advantage of joy to make light promises, don't get angry because you're drunk, don't take advantage of repentance, and don't end up tired."

Don't promise easily when you're happy; don't lose your temper when you're drunk; don't get into trouble when you're happy; don't start without an end when you're tired.

to be a man, you should have a certain degree of organization in doing things and a certain purpose in dealing with others.

so keep the way of living: don't promise when you're happy, don't argue when you're angry, don't talk when you're sad, and don't be lazy when you're tired.

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only in this way can we be emotional masters and control the rest of our lives.


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