May we all grasp the sense of boundary.
psychologist Zeng Qifeng has an analogy:
"the boundary of the cliff is very clear, so we will not get too close, but the boundary of the water is blurred, so people are often drowned."
in nature, an unclear boundary is like a trap, often invisible.
in real life, the vague sense of boundary can also bring trouble, misunderstanding and harm.
it is a necessary accomplishment for adults to maintain a sense of boundaries when dealing with people.
A marriage that lacks a sense of boundaries will not be too happy
A reader once left a message backstage, saying that she was often troubled because her husband had such a good relationship with the opposite sex.
it turns out that the husband is a "good old man" in the company and is almost open to female colleagues for help.
he did a lot of things that looked like a "warm man" when he was so small as to send his colleagues home to stop drinking at dinner.
can be so "warm", but the wife has no sense of security.
she tries to communicate with her husband, hoping that her husband can keep the distance between the opposite sex and avoid other people talking.
but the husband did not think so. he felt that he was innocent and that his wife was too petty.
after several fruitless communications, the relationship between the two of them gradually formed a layer of frost.
obviously, the husband did not realize that his "care" of his female colleagues lacked a sense of boundaries.
as a married person, not going to an appointment of the opposite sex alone and keeping a proper distance from female colleagues is a respect for a partner and a maintenance of marriage.
this is because, in an intimate relationship, no woman will tolerate her partner's excessive intimacy with the opposite sex unless she doesn't love you.
scholar Henry Claude once said:
"the best way to judge whether your partner has been hurt by your actions is to cross the line."
A good marital relationship is based on knowing the bottom line of both parties, showing respect and understanding, and self-restraint.
the clearer your boundaries with others, the more harmonious your relationship with your partner will be.
losing the sense of boundary is a disaster.
in the South Korean TV series "Sky City", parents tried their best to get their son admitted to Seoul Medical University.
parents force their son to study for 365 days from the age of seven, even if the child is ill, he has to study until two o'clock in the morning.
the intense study left my son out of breath.
although he was finally admitted to Seoul Medical University, he still expressed the resentment hidden in his heart:
"Medical University is what Mom and Dad want, not what I want at all. I don't want to be your child anymore!"
makes people sigh.
many parents do not understand that they have spent a lot of energy and financial resources, but how can they not get the understanding of their children?
in fact, this is all because parents break the sense of boundaries that education should have and deprive their children of their autonomy in choosing their lives.
in this world, no one has the right to control other people's lives, even those closest to them.
the real education is to be the leader of children, not their master.
when choosing her major, Yang Jiang once consulted her father Yang Yinhang.
but Yang Yinhang did not tell his daughter what to choose, but said:
"what you like is the closeness of sex, which is most suitable for you. You should choose what you like and what you are interested in."Finally, Yang Jiang chose literature and finally became an excellent writer as she wanted.
parents should make a clear distinction between guidance and intervention, less intervention and more inspiration, so that their children can grow up healthily.
if you blindly control a child's life in the name of love, it will only restrict the child's physical and mental development and bring greater harm.
wise parents know how to respect the boundaries of their children and let them grow into independent people.
A relationship without a sense of boundary is doomed not to last long
in interpersonal communication, there are always some people who make us feel uncomfortable.
they are not familiar with you, but they always ask some very personal questions, such as:
how much is your salary? Why haven't you found someone yet?What's more, it will openly ask you to do some help that is inconvenient for you, which is called "closer relationship".
the result is often that the relationship is not closer, but people are rusty.
the reason is that they lack the necessary "sense of boundary" when they interact with people.
people often say "what is the relationship?" don't talk deeply about it.
in such a hurry to break into other people's world, it is not only out of measure, but also in disgrace.
Zhou Xun and Chen Kun have been good friends for decades, but if Zhou Xun encounters emotional difficulties, Chen Kun never asks.
when talking about the reasons, Chen Kun said:
"I think you fell into the pit, you have to face it yourself, but when you need me, I am there."
respect and support each other on the basis of not crossing the boundary, which is why the friendship between the two people lasts forever.
Sanmao said: "No matter how close a friend is, you can't miss it. You think you are familiar with yourself. As a result, you are isolated."
A comfortable interpersonal relationship will not meddle in other people's affairs.
people who think they are close to each other will only make people feel annoyed and bored.
Don't meddle in chores, not in your private life.To interfere and maintain a proper sense of boundary is the basic self-cultivation of dealing with people.
Susan Foward, a famous psychotherapist, said:
everyone has a specific order in their inner world. To establish a psychological boundary is not to be selfish, but to let your business be yours and mine mine.
to establish healthy interpersonal boundaries, you need to know these things:
keep your boundaries
"Boundary consciousness" says: "your boundary is your emotion, and as soon as the boundary is broken, a warning will be issued."
everyone has their own social security distance, and we are instinctively alert when others are slightly offended.
at this time, be sure to make clear your financial, emotional and privacy boundaries and reject unreasonable demands.
Don't worry that others think you are unfriendly, because only when you send a signal, others will not take an inch.
respect other people's boundaries
in life, there are always some people who use the excuse of "caring" to pry into other people's privacy, or even interfere in other people's lives.
do not realize that it is impolite to let others do what they do not want to do, or to prevent others from doing what they want to do.
everyone has a life, and you can't ask everyone to live the way you want them to be.
in interpersonal communication, reducing the desire for control and grasping the sense of division is the best respect for others.
grasp the boundary of communication
A test question of "twisting the cap of a bottle" was popular on the Internet.
you and your wife are watching a movie at the cinema when a woman next to you hands over a bottle of water and asks you to help you twist the bottle cap. what should you do?
Luo Zhenyu, a well-known media man, gave the right way-- he took the mineral water bottle and asked his wife, "wife, would you like to help her with this?"
if the wife says, "I can't screw it either."
then you can say, "good wife, I'll unscrew it for you."
this is the art of interacting with people. In the final analysis, its purpose is to pay attention to the difference between closeness and closeness.
someone on the Internet said: "people who have the right sense of boundary will give people a comfortable and advanced sense."
the older you get, the more you feel that good relationships pay attention to boundaries and a sense of size.
keep the bottom line of loyalty when husband and wife get along;
when educating children, give some room for growth;
set aside the right distance for daily communication.
having a clear understanding of boundaries and moderate behavior is not only respect for others, but also responsibility for emotion.
, may we all be able to grasp the sense of boundary, do not exceed the rules in big things, stress principles in small things, have a bottom line in everything, and have a comfortable and comfortable life.