It is better to act than complain.
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the famous American spiritual mentor, will Bowen, once launched a "no complaint campaign" around the world.
the method is simple. He gives people a purple bracelet and tells them to change the bracelet from one hand to the other when they complain, until they can hold on for 21 days without moving the bracelet.
the first bracelets were mailed on July 23, 2006, and more than 10 million people from more than 160 countries participated in the event over the next five years.
millions of them, because of this activity, have found more beauty in life and gained more happiness.
psychologist Dr. Angelou once said:
if you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. "
will Bowen used this sentence as his motto and wrote the results of his research into a book "the World without complaining".
he tried to tell us that you are really the only one to decide whether life is lucky or unhappy.
complaining is the source of one's pain
Franklin once said, "constant complaint is the worst reward for the comfortable life we enjoy."
many times, we pay too much attention to the bad things in life, reminding ourselves again and again how difficult it is to live and how unfair the world is.
however, anxiety and anger can not solve any problems, but will increase the psychological burden and drain our energy.
in the book, will Bowen shared one of his stories.
one spring afternoon, he was working at his desk in his study when suddenly a bang came from outside the window.
will followed the sound and saw his pet dog being run over and killed at the crossroads.
he hurried out to comfort his crying daughter, only to see the driver slip away under his nose.
will roared: "the abominable driver dared to escape. Today is really bad luck!"
the more he thought about it, the angrier he left his daughter and dog in place, jumped into the car, rushed out of the driveway, raced down the bumpy road, and desperately chased the perpetrators.
as a result, when he caught up with the driver, the driver not only refused to admit his mistake, but almost hit him.
negative emotions spread like the sea, and will couldn't eat well or sleep well for days.
he only wanted to curse the driver and completely forgot to seek justice for himself through legal means, and he could not remember that he was driving too fast and almost had a car accident.
after a long time, will slowly came out through psychological repair and realized the harmfulness of "complaining".
he believes that complaining is a terrible negative energy that focuses people's energy on problems rather than solving them.
in life, we are often the same as will. Whenever there is something wrong, we complain; when we encounter a setback, we complain.
as a result, the more we hate life, the worse it will be.
will gives an interesting example.
he said several female friends in Kansas City formed a "treatment group."
they meet every week, drinking drinks and berating their husbands for their misdeeds.
A year later, not only did they not cure each other, their family life was even worse, and some even filed for divorce.
will says that even if these women devote 1% of their energy to thinking about how to improve their intimacy, it will not be so.
Lord Geoffrey once said: "complaining and complaining are symptoms of soulless, low-minded people."
when you encounter problems, just expressing dissatisfaction and anger will not only aggravate the conflict, but also make things worse.
most of the time, life is not difficult, but we use pessimistic and paranoid thinking to make life difficult.
instead of complaining, take action
there is such a fable.
two construction workers had lunch together, and one of them opened his lunch box and said:
"Oh, my God! Another meatloaf sandwich... I hate meatloaf sandwiches.
for several days, he said impatiently, "I've had enough. It's meatloaf sandwiches every day!"
another man finally couldn't help asking him, "Why don't you ask your wife to do something else for you?"
the man said, "I always make my own lunch."
will uses this story to tell you:
Life is created by yourself, and happiness is in your own hands.
there is a "strong mind" in psychology, which means that when you face setbacks, don't question your fate, but think about "what to do".
when you turn complaints into actions, you will find that things are not so bad.
will's friends have shared such a thing.
at that time, their company changed its voicemail system, and employees no longer had to enter a password to receive e-mail, but said to the phone handset: "receive information."
but this reform is not ideal. If the office is noisy or the speaker has incorrect pronunciation, the system will keep reporting errors.
A female colleague, after repeatedly saying that "receiving information" failed, began to get mad at the handset, repeatedly complaining about the reform.
will's friend had the same problem, but his first thought was how to change back to the password system to make the work go smoothly.
after a period of time, he finally found a way to fallback the system, and he could receive email by entering a password, and his work efficiency was greatly improved.
while everyone was learning to fix the system, the female colleague kept yelling at the phone, "this system is terrible. It's a pile of useless garbage!"
will's friend wanted to help her change the system, but she was angry and refused the offer directly.
two years later, the female colleague was fired, and will's friend was promoted and raised to become the backbone of the business.
the famous "Festinger" theory points out that
10% of life is made up of what happens to you, while the other 90% is determined by how you react to what happens.
that is to say, only 10% of the things in life are beyond our control, while the other 90% are in our own hands.
it is better to act than complain.
how powerful is it not to complain
one day, on his way to Conway, will accidentally caught a glimpse of a billboard by the side of the road that read:
if you are happy, honk the horn.
he smiled disdainfully, thinking that the person who made the brand was too naive.
one Sunday a few weeks later, he drove his two-year-old daughter through again.
suddenly, the billboard flashed past the car, and without thinking, will honked the horn because he felt happy with his daughter.
, will found himself looking forward to that section of the road. He didn't even see the sign. He felt very happy just thinking about it.
when he is in trouble in life and is depressed, he always drives to the billboard and honks his horn.
and the most amazing thing is that every time he honks the horn, he will immediately get better and no longer worry about it.
to find out who put up the sign, will visited the neighborhood and found the owner of the sign.
that is an old couple. The husband is a retired coach and the wife is an advanced cancer patient.
the old man told will that they were in despair after his wife was diagnosed.
later, the old man realized that although the illness was terrible, as long as he was happy in his heart, every day of his life was meaningful.
so he had a whim and put up the billboard on the road not far from home.
unexpectedly, on the first day, many cars honked for him.
he immediately told his wife, "you see, there are so many people who give us happiness."
when the old lady was lying in her room, she felt very relieved to hear the sound of the trumpet. She really felt that happiness was by her side.
after the change of state of mind, the old lady's body also improved.
she had the strength to get out of bed and was even interested in receiving visitors like will with her husband and telling her story.
what shocked will even more was that the old lady, who was determined by the doctor that she could only live for four months at most, lived for more than a year until he wrote the story in the book.
for each and every one of us, there are always unsolvable and powerless things in our lives.
at this time, you should learn to say "whatever" to yourself, and then have some fun to brighten your mood.
psychologist Pierre once said: "change your mind, you can change the world."
when you live with a good state of mind, you will find that everything you see is beautiful and all you meet is good people.
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writer James Allen talked about a "garden effect".
the human mind is like a garden. No matter what you do, something will grow in the garden.
if beneficial seeds are not sown, harmful seeds will take root and sprout in the garden and grow more poisonous things.
if poisonous weeds are allowed to spread, the garden of the soul will be desolated. Only by pruning in time and not giving bad emotions a chance to take root can the garden flourish.
as stated in the book World without complaining:
"the secret to a better life is in our own hands."
, share with your friends.