The degree to which you are comfortable determines the height you can reach.
the ancients said, "A gentleman is like jade, and his tentacles can be warm."
people who really have high EQ always make people feel like a spring breeze and can't help but approach him.
people with low EQ always make people feel embarrassed by "suicidal socializing".
one of these five "suicidal socializing" is unbearable.
treat sarcasm as humor
the first thing I want to criticize is Su Shi.
Su Shi likes to joke, but he often has no sense of division.
I offended a lot of people because of this mouth when I was young.
Cheng Zi Wei Yan recorded that after Sima Guang's death, the court let Cheng Yi preside over the funeral.
on the day of mourning, the imperial court offered sacrifices to the Ming Hall, so the ministers went to congratulate them. Then go to pay tribute to Sima Guang.
however, Cheng Yi believes that "celebrating different days".
you can't celebrate while mourning.
so Su Shi and Su Zhe had to turn back halfway, and Su Shi said, "Uncle and grandson in the bad paddy."
means that Cheng Yi is like a fake uncle and grandson from a dirty place.
people around you roar with laughter,
even took this as Cheng Yi's nickname.
Su Shi also had a grudge against Cheng Yi because of this.
in the decades that followed, Su Shi's gatekeepers and Cheng Yi's disciples almost never stopped attacking each other.
humor is a kind of advanced wisdom, rather than mocking other people's shortcomings.
if others are uncomfortable, it is not humorous, but mean.
all humor should have a sense of proportion.
losing control and joking means the end of friendship in many cases.
treat your mouth as straightforward
Zeng Guofan said: "to persuade people not to point to their faults, they must first be beautiful."
when criticizing others, don't come up and point out other people's shortcomings.
instead, praise him first, and then euphemistically point out his shortcomings.
if you are outspoken and do not know how to turn this corner, it is easy to offend people.
Zeng Guofan is like this.
when he became an official, he wrote home to educate his younger brother every month, and his words were impolite.
after a long time, his brothers are unwilling to reply to him.
later, he wrote to him directly to express his dissatisfaction.
it was only after this that Zeng Guofan had an aftertaste, and he never directly criticized his brothers.
the ancients said, "there is a dragon spring on the tongue, killing people without blood
words hurt more than swords.
Don't indulge your mouth without scruples.
learn to express your opinions euphemistically and try not to hurt others.
only such people can have a good popularity.
treat telling people what to do as warm-hearted
everyone has his own will and life.
maintain a respect, do not interfere, most of the time is the best blessing.
Zhuangzi once told a story:
the name of the Great in the South China Sea is Kui, the Great in Beihai is Hu, and the Great in the Central is chaos.
Huo and Huo are often guests in chaos's home, and chaos entertains them very richly.
Xu and Huo discussed together to repay the deep friendship of chaos, saying:
"everyone has seven orifices of eyes, ears, mouth and nose for seeing, hearing, eating and breathing, but chaos is not. We try to cut seven holes for him."
they chiseled out a hole every day, and after seven days, chaos died.
they don't know that chaos is different from people.
A person's greatest sorrow is to be self-righteous.
I think I know everything and get involved at random.
as a result, the better you are to be a teacher, the more you will expose your ignorance, and even lead to disaster.
personal experiences can be shared, but not interfered with.
it is not easy to take care of your own life.
regard deliberate cheating as eloquent
the writer Mr. Wang Meng once wrote a short novel "eloquent Syndrome", which is as follows:
A doctor told me that they had come into contact with an eloquent patient in the clinic.
the doctor said, "Please sit down."
the patient said, "Why are you sitting? Are you going to deprive me of my right not to sit? "
the doctor poured a glass of water helplessly and said, "Please have some water."
the patient said, "talking about the problem in this way is one-sided, so it is absurd. Not all water can be drunk." For example, if you add potassium cyanide to the water, you should never drink it. "
the doctor said, "I didn't put it here. Don't worry! "
the patient said, "who said you let it go? Did I falsely accuse you of letting go? Does the prosecutor's indictment say you let it go? I didn't say you let it go, but you said I said you let it go. That's more poisonous than letting it go! "
the doctor sighed helplessly and changed the subject and said, "it's a nice day today."
the patient said, "pure nonsense!" Just because you have a nice day here doesn't mean it's fine all over the world today. For example, in the North Pole, the weather is very bad today, it is windy, it is a long night, and icebergs are crashing. "
the doctor could not help retorting, "this is not the North Pole."
the patient said, "but you should not deny the existence of the Arctic." You deny the existence of the Arctic, that is,To distort the truth is to have ulterior motives. "
the doctor said, "you go."
the patient said, "you have no right to order me to go. This is a hospital. You can't arrest me. "
there are actually a lot of such people in life.
he also wants to argue with you about big things.
No matter what you talk about, you can be upset by him instantly.
they are not to explore a certain point of view, but simply to highlight the sense of existence.
do not realize that words win over people is the lowest EQ behavior.
people naturally feel that they are more correct and better.
being refuted by others in public is bound to arouse anger.
the desire to win over others is the biggest relationship killer.
Life is short. If you meet people who like to argue, please stay away from them.
regard self-ripening as affinity
Affinity is comfortable and makes people want to be friends with you.
spontaneous familiarity is excessive enthusiasm and appears to be familiar on the surface.
do not realize that everyone has their own safe distance,
once exceeded, it is easy to cause discomfort.
I have seen such a clip in a variety show:
A star in order to highlight his affinity,
when explaining recipes to customers who met for the first time, they slapped each other on the shoulder several times.
customers are obviously uncomfortable, but
the star still didn't notice, still showing his affinity for himself.After the
program was broadcast, everyone complained that the star's EQ was too low.
it takes time to get along with people and break the ice.
Trust between people is built up little by little.
if you act rashly when you are not very familiar with it, it will only be offensive.
the ancients said, "maturity does not exceed the moment."
Old friends should also pay attention to discretion, especially for people they have just met.
keep your distance, point to the end, is the best respect.
the degree to which you are comfortable determines the height you can reach.
stay away from these five kinds of "suicidal socialization", your popularity will become better and better, and your road will be wider and wider.