Getting married does not mean that the relationship is done once and for all, but to give with your heart and make each other feel loved and cared for.
what does a perfect marriage look like?
some people say that it is love and harmony, never quarrel, and couples always stay in love.
some people say that they hold hands and grow old together, and each other becomes a better self.
everyone is looking forward to a perfect marriage, but unfortunately, perfect marriage is rare.
according to statistics, the divorce rate across the country has continued to rise in recent years, and many couples make this decision within three years of marriage.
the two people entered the marriage with longing, but quickly walked out hastily, which made people sigh.
even those partners who are old together are rarely perfect. They will scowl at each other, complain about each other, and regret countless times why they chose the person around them.As the saying goes, "Marriage is not only the practice of two people, but also the epiphany of one person."
it is better to adjust your expectations and cognition than to pursue a perfect marriage between two people. In this way, it is easier to get close to happiness.
obsession with perfection destroys marriage
the Great Mrs. Mercer tells the story of Mickey Mercer's growing up.
she was born into a Jewish family, smart, academically excellent, and refined and perfect herself.
after getting married, she and her husband lived in a high-end apartment in Manhattan, had two children and looked very happy.
in order to maintain her perfect image, she never shows her makeup, takes off her makeup every night after her husband falls asleep, puts on makeup before her husband wakes up, and pretends that she has just got up.In addition, she also insists on exercising, always measuring her wrists and thighs with a ruler, and absolutely not allowing her body to get out of shape.
she also practices her cooking skills carefully, keeps the house in good order, and even doubles as her husband's agent to help her husband clear the obstacles on the way to the development of talk shows.
No one can help but admire such a perfect woman.However, her husband filed for divorce for a woman who couldn't even use an electric pencil sharpener. As the saying goes, "perfection represents distance, and a marriage that does not see its flaws is destined to be plastic and fragile."
there is nothing wrong with Mrs. Mercer's pursuit of perfection and strict self-discipline, but when it comes to marriage, it will inevitably bring invisible pressure to her partner.
think about it:
if your wife is nervous all the time and seldom smiles in order to get a good score, will you find it hard to breathe in a marriage?
if your husband asks you with a "perfect" ruler at any time, your makeup must be exquisite, your figure must be charming, and your speech must be watertight. Will you feel energized?
pursue perfection too much, either let oneself live too hard, or make the other person feel very tired.
as the relationship becomes heavier and heavier, the two will drift apart or even go their separate ways.
you know, marriage entwines two real people, not only firewood, rice, oil and salt, but also stumbling.
it is those unique traits and fragmentary faults that distinguish the person around us from "others" and become our partner.
it is those imperfect details that bring the two hearts closer in the run-in, making the relationship stronger and closer.
accepting imperfections is the beginning of happiness
not long ago, my good friend Reiko and her husband celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary.
other couples are getting haggard and haggard, but they are getting better and better. I can't help but ask for experience.
Reiko said that after her marriage, her biggest change was that the "filter" of her husband disappeared.
after my husband takes off his socks, he is still used to throwing them away, not carelessly, but in a vulgar manner.
my husband laughs when he encounters anything. He is no longer optimistic and open-minded, but doesn't take her feelings to heart.
Lingzi cried about her grievance, and her husband explained why:
throw socks casually, because after a day's work, I am so tired that I don't remember to clean up in time, while I always beat Lingzi's words in the hope of quickly resolving her stress and worries.
Reiko found that if she still runs a marriage with a love mentality, it is easy to have a chicken feather if she does not come into real life.
from that day on, Reiko and her husband agreed to find an advantage of each other every day and write it down.
for example, the husband throws socks casually and snores when he sleeps, but the cooking is delicious and the children are taught to be patient.
for example, although Reiko is nagging and delusional, she is delicate and can take into account the feelings of everyone in her family.
they look down on each other's shortcomings, magnify each other's strengths, precipitate full of love in the years, and double give to each other.
slowly, the couple get along more and more happily, and the children grow up optimistically.
MiyazakiHayao said: "Love is not looking for a perfect person, but learning to appreciate the imperfect person with perfect eyes."
instead of striving for perfection and keeping your eyes high, it's better to look at each other's strengths from a different angle.
everyone who is happy will eventually understand that pessimism is not to admit defeat, but to be open-minded after a change of mindset, and compromise is not weakness, but treasure after marriage.
A happy marriage requires careful management
John Gottman said in Happy Marriage: "the most difficult company in the world to run is the family, and the most difficult relationship is husband and wife."
Marriage is a long journey, and husband and wife are a rare fate. Only by working hard can we write about a happy future.
throughout the marriages that accompany them to their old age, couples bring these three "hearts" with them.
the first heart knows how to appreciate.
recall, how long has it been since you gave each other a like?
back then, when you met the other person, you found him so cute and special that you took his hand and hoped to pour all your love into him.
but slowly, more picky, less likes, the light in his eyes disappears, and the happiness you perceive decreases gradually. What a pity!
I agree with such a saying: "A bad marriage gets harder and harder, and a good marriage gets sweeter and sweeter."
if two people want to maintain the sweetness of their marriage, it is not to use a magnifying glass to find each other's shortcomings, nor to chew on the pain of the past again and again, but to give each other appreciation and praise and rekindle each other's passion and energy.
the second heart is willing to be tolerant.There is a saying: "the human heart is conquered not by force, but by love and tolerance."
I think so.
strength and oppression can make people afraid, but what can really enter the hearts of people is long love and silent tolerance.
in marriage, tolerance is a secret weapon that connects each other and never gets separated.
found that her husband had accidentally burnt his meal, not in a hurry to criticize, but to smile calmly and encourage him to try again.
when I saw my wife accidentally break the bowl, I didn't blame her with resentment, but laughed and comforted her that she was "broken and safe."
A little more understanding and understanding between husband and wife, give each other some time to adjust, give each other a little room to grow, so that the marriage will be better and better.
the third heart is willing to give.
there is a psychological concept called "emotional account", which means that everyone has an account in his or her heart. If the other person makes you moved or happy, he /she deposits in your emotional account.
on the contrary, the other person makes you feel aggrieved and depressed, that is, the other person withdraws money from your emotional account.
if you have more and more "savings", you will feel happy and sweet when you think of each other.
if the other person always withdraws money from you and your account becomes negative, then your relationship is not far from breaking up.
conversely, the other person feels the same way.
this reminds us that marriage does not mean a relationship once and for all, but to give with your heart to make each other feel love and care.
A glass of water when we are thirsty late at night makes us feel valued; when we are listened to in moments of annoyance, we feel understood.
those daily care and meticulous care all soothe each other's anxiety and accumulate warm happiness.
like this paragraph very much:
"Marriage is a castle with comrades-in-arms of your offensive and defensive alliance.
Marriage is a contract with a partner you entrust to life and death.
since we are predestined to come together, we must learn to forgive his imperfections. "
A little more appreciation can ignite the light in each other's eyes;
A little more tolerance can comfort your heart; a little more giving can enhance each other's feelings.
Marriage may not be perfect, it may be full of problems, but as long as we work hard, we can reap happiness.